We have a new candidate. One that would probably win if they ran considering the state of the country. Paris Hilton has decided to grace our LCD TV monitors this week after she was seen being portrayed as a “celebrity” in one of John McCain’s campaign ads recently. The ad was to show that basically Obama is nothing more than a celebrity and has no experience.

Now Paris Hilton has replied with a video of her own calling McCain “That wrinkly white-haired guy” and giving us a look into her fuel policy. This is a joke for those of you dumb enough to believe it isn’t.

For once something good comes out of celebrity antics and no it isn’t some sort of sex romp on an adjustable beds that someone “stole” the video of.

Paris Hilton was photographed with a gray-haired, orange-robed “shaman” who blessed her and urged her to give a diamond necklace to a total stranger.

image from AOL

“He’s really changed my life,” Hilton told paparazzi from her car, adding she offered the necklace “because the greatest gift is to give.”

LOL!

I have to say this is pretty classic. In fact this entire meeting was a complete hoax set up by Ashton Kutcher to screw with the media. Turns out, as some outlets later discovered, the “mystic” was an actor named Maxie Santillan Jr., who has appeared on CSI and My Name Is Earl. And though some accused Hilton of getting Punk’d, the joke’s on them: The entire scene was staged for a new show from Punk’d producer Ashton Kutcher premiering Sunday on E! (10:30 ET/PT).

It isn’t often that someone as well known as Paris Hilton can do this bad at a movie premiere. The Hottie and the Nottie, a romantic comedy starring Hilton, Joel David Moore, and Christine Lakin, opened Friday to $9,000 on 111 screens, or $81 per screen, according to Box Office Mojo.

An amazing feat I guess in mediocrity. IF you take the average price of a ticket around here that means that about 10 people actually went to see this movie in a theater here. In more expensive areas the theater was like a barebones computer with only about 5 people entering through the turn-styles. IF you are looking for a “dirty” date movie I’d have to recommend this one. There is almost no chance that anyone is going to see you doing your dirty deeds at this one.

An online Poll taken by kids has shown that they believe Santa should fill Paris’, and Britney’s stockings with coal. Two of the wildest celebrities in recent memory have seen their share of time in court, rehab, and even jail in the last year. Kids say they shouldn’t get anything for Crhistmas except for coal.

By contrast Disney star Hannah Montana, played by country singer Billy Ray Cyrus’s daughter Miley, was overwhelming deemed the “nicest” celebrity among children aged 2 to 12 while actress Angelina Jolie was the choice for teenagers 13 to 17.

Pretty funny seeing Angelina voted to be “nicest”. Nicest ASS maybe if you asked me, and this is a “Teen” poll so yeah I assume that is the case. She probably needs and entre New York Moving Company just to get all the kids she is adopting, and having anywhere these days. I suppose those are the stories she has out now so it isn’t surprising she won “nicest” celeb.

Paris and Britney beat out some fictional villains in the poll as well. The two women beat out Swiper the Fox from the television show Dora the Explorer, the Grinch from the book “How The Grinch Stole Christmas” and Darth Vader from Star Wars among children 2-12.

For teens, Spears and Hilton topped Lindsay Lohan , who spent 84 minutes behind bars this year for a drunken driving and cocaine-possession conviction, and Beyonce.

When asked what makes someone nice, children mentioned “cleaning up and doing chores,” “sharing” and “being honest and polite” as ways to impress Santa.

On the flip side, they mentioned “not listening to parents,” “being mean and bullying” and “being snobby” as behaviors exhibited by those headed for the naughty list.

American socialite Paris Hilton checked out Shanghai fashions, cuddled stuffed pandas and sauntered along the famous waterfront Bund on Thursday while visiting China’s most style-conscious city for the MTV Style awards. And hopefully she got some good life insurance quotes because I’m sure she will offend everyone there with her silly lifestyle.

“Shanghai looks like the future!” Hilton said in a news conference at the Hyatt on the waterfront, one of the newest landmarks in a city teaming with new skyscrapers. Yeah…what the hell does she know. Thanks publicist for giving me cue cards to read off of.

Celebrities are a dispicable bunch and it has been decided that they need to be SAVED-UH! Britney Spears is the top prayer getter from the Hollywood Prayer Network, a group of more than 5,000 Christians that prays for stars instead of writing them off as lost causes. The network recently passed a Bible to socialite Paris Hilton and plans to pass one to Spears later this month. It also picks up-and-coming child stars for its monthly Kids Prayer Calendar and pairs hundreds of mentors with struggling actors — the kind more likely to take your order in a restaurant than appear on your television. Instead of helping people in real need like those that use assisted living software, this prayer network is focused on the celebs, and ironically the network members seem to be striving for the spotlight themselves by passing out these Bibles.

You can forget about those guys knocking on your door to talk to you about Jesus now for a while I hope. They may have their hand full with the celebrities. The people that really need it. Sigh…

Just a couple days ago I posted about how Paris Hilton was supposedly going to help out on a problem with drunk elephants in India, Arica, Branson Missouri, who knows where. Now it appears that they are saying she did not say any such thing.

Well…this isn’t exactly a glowing report that she didn’t say it, but, Lori Berk, a publicist for Hilton, said she never made any comments about helping drunken elephants in India according to WASBIR HUSSAIN, of the AP that basically just republished the original article with a very small statement at the end and changed the title…lol

Rather than spending so much time looking into her makeup mirrors, Paris has vowed to help the world since she was released from jail this year. She has talked about doing some sort of community service many times, but this one seems like one of those where she was probably sitting around with some people and heard about it and thought it would be funny to support.

In India they are having an issue with elephants breaking into farms that produce the ingredients for alcohol. As such these elephants are getting drunk off of the supply and stumbling around the farms breaking property.

Activists said a celebrity endorsement such as Hilton’s was sure to raise awareness of the plight of the pachyderms that get drunk on farmers’ homemade rice beer and then go on a rampage. Rampages, I tell ya.

“The elephants get drunk all the time. It is becoming really dangerous. We need to stop making alcohol available to them,” the 26-year-old socialite said in a report posted on World Entertainment News Network’s Web site. Her comments were picked up by other Web sites and newspapers around the globe.

Sangeeta Goswami, head of animal rights group People for Animals, told The Associated Press: “I am indeed happy Hilton has taken note of recent incidents of wild elephants in northeast India going berserk after drinking homemade rice beer and getting killed.”

“As part of her global elephant campaign, Hilton should, in fact, think of visiting this region literally infested with elephants,” Goswami said.

Another conservationist said elephant alcohol abuse was just a symptom of the real problem.

“Elephants appear on human settlements … because they have no habitat left due to wanton destruction of forests,” said Soumyadeep Dutta, who heads Nature’s Beckon, a leading regional conservation group.

“A celebrity like Hilton must focus her attention on this fact,” Dutta said.

Awesome. Someone has some serious issues and needs a leisuretime vip vacation. An empty can of gourmet dog food taken from Paris Hilton’s trash fetched $305 in an eBay auction.

The web site HollywoodStarTrash.com sold a bunch of Paris Hilton “junk” on Ebay including: a used toothbrush for $305; two envelopes sent to her while she was in jail for $510; and a Coke can pulled from her trash went for $51.

The dog food can be purchased in over 150 stores in Southern California alone. Ladies and gentlemen I have 10 cans of this stuff that I dug out of Tiger Wood’s, Brad Pitt’s, Anna Nicole Smith’s, and Jessica Alba’s trash. I will start the bidding at $456,000 for the entire lot.

Poor little Paris. Apparently she thought she was above the law. I did too. Didn’t realize that drinking and driving, and then driving on a suspended license was that big a deal. Maybe not in her world, but in most of ours it will kick your ass to get busted for those 2 things in the same year. Fans were great to her though as always. Kind words were given and probably some fancy Peach cobbler recipes and other well wishes. Wonder if anyone sent her a file in a cake…ha!

“I’ve been through a lot,” said Hilton, her blond hair cascading across her forehead. “And it was a pretty traumatic experience, something that I really have grown from.”

Paris said she got hundreds of letter from “fans” that at times reduced her to tears.

Asked why she was going public about her experience, she told King, “I just want to let people know what I went through.” It was her first broadcast interview since being released.

“I was walking in there assuming I was just going to get community service,” Hilton said. “That’s what my lawyer said at the time. So when he sentenced me to that much time in jail it was shocking because that doesn’t happen, ever.

“It wasn’t for DUI, it was for suspended license,” she said of her case.

Asked whether she thought she got a “raw deal,” she said yes. Still, she vowed never to drink and drive again.

“I’ll never make that mistake again,” she said.

Raw deal? Get over yourself, Paris.